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Grateful for your loss

You know the saying,

I’m sorry for your loss.

Well we all know it’s in the context of someone passing away, but what about physical objects that we lose? Most of us go into an epic panic after misplacing something, or knowing that we dropped our favourite wallet filled important cards and money, somewhere along the way home. I speak from experience, so I know I’m part of this majority. But recently, I misplaced not one, but two three things this week. Yes, that’s right.

It all started with me dropping my matric card on the way to mass last Friday. And I remember thinking, should I go for mass or turn back and look for it???? I went to mass. But my mind was in a complete state of panic (see previous post letting go), something in me was triggered by that incident, I had one of the worst panic attacks I’ve had in a while. I wasn’t necessarily worried by losing the card, but something in me was so attached to the failures and losses(yeah, pun intended) that I’ve been having over this semester, that it all came flushing back. I never let go, I merely repressed it. And that was so unhealthy.

Next to go was my folder with my tediously completed math assignment. Well this one is more of a non-loss because I thought I lost it and I really just lost my mind. I was angry and upset with myself again for making mistakes. But I’m a matter of a minute I found it in my bag. Silly me.

Last to actually say goodbye was my trusty wireless earpiece. By this point, I wasn’t really sad about the things I had lost, even though I really miss that pair. I just knew that it was gone, if it comes back it does, if it doesn’t then that’s okay.

Losing your card, doesn’t mean you lose your identity in God.

If there’s one thing to take away from all of this, it’s that I’ll always be grateful for the loss of my physical objects. When it happens because of us, that’s okay, we aren’t perfect in the things we do but we are perfect in God. When it happened because of other people, well even more reason we shouldn’t be upset and angry. I just hope that I don’t forget this and listen to the soft endearing call of God, reminding me that it’s okay Princess, those things are replaceable, but my love for you isn’t.

I’m home for the weekend, and yes there’s another pile of endless work to be done. Next week, I hope to apply for my new matric card and continue on towards finals, living life to the fullest without the worry of being sorry I lost something.

Casting all your anxiety on Him, because he cares for you. —1 Peter 5:7 NASB

Hellü friend please don’t run away

LSM2231 lab session was pretty fun today when we had to monitor the respiration behavior of mealworms and crickets. The crickets were super jumpy. One of them even jumped out and had a tour of the lab.

When crickets are kept at lower temperatures they should have lower respiration because their metabolism lowers, hence breathing less. We didn’t really get to see these results but issok I had fun.

letting go

In the recent months (well basically this entire semester as of far), I have not been dealing with my stress well. In the first week of school, I had a really anxious breakdown over assignments. Look at the state of things now, I am not as motivated as I used to be. I really want to get myself out of this dark place because right now, I’m very mentally, physically, emotionally and academically frustrated with myself.

I feel like I’ve lost control of a lot of things, mainly my health and emotional stability. I feel like there has been so much that I have accomplished over the 8/9 weeks of school, but it never seems to be enough. I can’t say that I’m not happy either because I have been supported by my family and friends so much.

Lord, I really don’t know what will happen but I know that I want it to change today. I release all my burdens to you. I release my self-pity and sorrow to you. Amen.

Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”, for god cannot be tempted by evil, and He himself does not temp anyone.” But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.

James 1:13-14 NASB

Yunnan Day 10: Let’s Take a Walk

Day 10

 

Showered but decided to catch the sunset with Isa just now. We took a short walk out to the main road. It was nice to walk a different route and view the Ice Mountain from a different spot!

There’s no facilitation today but we have welfare night activities in 4 min, but meanwhile I’m lying in bed in a very comfortable position as sleepiness creeps up on me.

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Side note: The plums here are my favourite! I ate the one the Lijiang Uni students gave and it was really so much better when it was ripe. Tastes pretty similar to our plums but the skin is less sour?

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Yunnan Da–error404

As I have mentioned in the previous post, most of these reflections of mine are lost in time, and so these are the days where I wrote down the reflection questions but didn’t manage to articulate my thoughts into words:

Day 6?

1. what changed today and what triggered the change 2. what are you going to improve on tomorrow? 3. how has the captclouds journey been thus far and who is one person you want to get to know better? 4. affirmation

Day 7??

Try to balance the facilitation with games. Play games/hands on games before starting the progs. What they want: soccer, tennis, handicraft

Setting expectations for next day

Day 8

1. Did you manage to achieve what you wanted to improve on yesterday?

– If yes, how did you do it?

– If not, what do you plan to work on?

– Highlight any changes in their behaviours if any.

2. How has your perception of the kids changed over the past few days?

Not really my perception of the kids but more of my mindset in interacting with them.

3. What do you hope to achieve over the remaining 2 days?

Interact with more of the other kids, the boys, He Jing the girl who doesn’t really understand a lot of pu tong Chinese.

4. Affirmation

 

Day 9 Questions

– how was today? the planting, and the engagement.

– what was something that struck you/ one takeaway that you have from the engagement?

– what is something that can be improved from the engagement? and do you think we should do it again?

– affirmations?

Yunnan Day 6/7: War of the Walls

 

As I sit here and create these posts of all these previously unreleased reflections, I really wish I had taken more time to organise everything because I feel that the reflections are messed up along the timeline. I guess the only person who would doubt my credibility and reliability now would be you dear reader, no?

That day I was assigned the scribe so here are some of our reflections (I really hope you guys don’t mind):

1) What are some potential problems we faced today & how do we intend to tackle them?

Joshua: Group of the cool girls, they treat it as a homework and a competition, and so that defeats the purpose of reflection. They are generally disinterested in what we have to say. We will try our best to talk to them and hope that they eventually warm up to us. One girl was ostracized because she cannot really understand so best would be if one person to follow her throughout the next few days. Simplify the questions for her.

Chong Ming: We need to take the soft approach first before we jump into sharing. They are quite scared to share their dreams despite the fact that they do have dreams. Slowly nudged her to use art to communicate.

Van: It was initially quite difficult to break down the first wall. But they are actually very prideful and they tend to follow each other. When one boy finally shared, the rest eventually shared and they were actually interested and shared well. Does it really meet our purpose if we continue to do things like an interactive play? Perseverance is key.

Jia Jue: They were very rowdy and unresponsive. But when we started sharing ourselves, they listened and gained more trust. Even though they tend to bully each other a lot, they are quite willing to listen. The key is really about opening up to them. But they also treat the dream journal as homework.

2) How do I feel now?

Jia Jue: at the end of the lesson vs the start made me less scared to face them tomorrow

Milton: as one of the ICs I was bouncing around and one of the potential problems is that since they are already very noisy, with everyone trying to help get their attention, everyone was kinda doing their own thing, it was difficult for the class IC. At the start, I was very angry but I knew it wasn’t the way. It’s good to have these frustrated thoughts but it’s what we do with them.

Jan: It would probably better if all of us go to the back except the IC so that the kids don’t get distracted by us.

Van: I was glad to see them grow up a bit more compared to last year that there was less physical bullying even though they were still pretty rowdy!

Glenda: We found the P3 teacher in charge and he was completely useless. I told MunYee and Tes to scrap progs for P3. But to scrap progs does not mean to scrap interaction. What you want to get out of this whole thing affects the way you look at the situation and the programmes. I’m grateful that the whole P3 incident happened because it brings us back to why we are here and forces us to really reflect more seriously.

Shi Yun: Quite scared that we can’t even interact with them but when we broke into smaller groups I think it was easier for them to share with us. Quite excited for the next few days and I can see hope.

3) What did you learn about yourself today?

Faith: Managed to build a bit of rapport with them and played along with them. What I learnt was to go along with their flow and stick with the progs for the sake of executing.

Jia Jun: what can we do better, let’s not hold it against them when what they do angers us because they are just a product of their environment. I also encountered moments like this where they scolded vulgarities. If you are good to them they will be good for you too.

Joshua: There were moments where I blanked out and was under a lot of stress. But to just keep going and hope that tomorrow will be better.

Joel: Personally as long as we have done our best it’s okay. whether we have set out to achieve what we wanted to achieve that’s another thing.

Chong Ming: I agree with Jia Jun and see things with perspective and you (start to) question (yourself), “Can I really do this?”